Dogs are friendly, loyal, mischievous (sometimes), caring and best of all – humorous by nature. It’s why humans have given them the apt nickname, “man’s best friend.” They do silly and questionable things at times, which makes for absolutely hilarious dog jokes, memes and puns.
I’ve scoured the internet back and forth, read countless dog joke books and consulted with fellow dog-lovers. This is our curated list of the top 100 (in no particular order) best jokes and dog puns of our furry friends, hands down.
Leave a comment below if you think a joke can crack into our current list of the top 100. We constantly update this list.
RECOMMENDED: 101 Best Dog Puns Pawsitive to Make You Laugh
Funny Dog Jokes
Long-winded Dog Jokes
1. The Woman with a Husband that Thinks He’s a Dog
A woman walks into a psychoanalyst’s office and says, “doctor, my husband thinks he’s a dog! I don’t know what to do! Please help.”
The doctor replies, “Okay, have him get on the couch.”
The woman quickly snapped back, “Wait, no, he’s not allowed on the couch!”
2. The Trouble of Flying your Dog
A woman called an airline customer-service desk asking if it was possible to fly with her dog on board.
“Sure,” the airline agent said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.”
She continued to explain that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.
The customer was perplexed: “I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”
3. King of the Jungle: Dog vs. Lion
A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution, “This guy looks edible, i’ve never seen his kind before.”
So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic, but as he’s about to run, he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea. He says loudly, “Mmm…that was some good lion meat!”
The lion abruptly stops and says, “Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can.” Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened. The lion says angrily, “Get on my back, we’ll get him together.” And they start rushing back to the dog.
The dog sees them and realized what happened, starting to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts,
“Where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago…”
(via reddit user shotuken)
4. The Collie-flower
As I was walking down the street the other day, I saw my neighbor pulling a leash with a piece of Cabbage on the end. I asked him “why are you pulling along a lead with a Cabbage on the end?”
He Replied: “Oh no, the man who sold it to me said it was a Collie!!”
5. Three Dogs and a Beautiful Poodle
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she tells them, “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.”
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.” She replies, “Oh, how childish, that shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.”
She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and he blurts, “Uhhh…I HATE liver and cheese.”
“I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s line,” said the Poodle.
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?” The last of the three was a tiny little chihuahua. The chihuahua gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says, “Liver alone, cheese mine.”
(via reddit user xSavageLlamax)
6. Two Men are Walking their Dogs (a doberman and a chihuahua)
They’re getting hungry and decided to grab a bite at a nearby restaurant. At the entrance of the door, a large sign reads: “NO DOGS ALLOWED”.
The man with the doberman says, “I know what to do, just follow my lead.” He throws on a pair of sunglasses and walks in. The waiter points to the sign and says “I’m sorry sir, dogs are allowed.” The man replies, “Oh, i’m blind and this is my guide dog.”
“A doberman for a guide dog?” The suspicious waiter asks.
“Yes, Dobermans are very loyal and protective. They’re born for the job” replied the man. The waiter sighs and leads the man to a table.
The second man throws on his sunglasses and walks in. The waiter tells him “I’m sorry sir, we don’t allow dogs here.” The man says “Oh, you don’t understand. I’m blind and this is my guide dog.”
“A chihuahua for a guide dog?” The annoyed waiter asks.
“A chihuahua?” The man asks. “They gave me a chihuahua?!”
(via reddit user primetime22)
7. The Most Useful Dog
On a bright and early Sunday morning, my wife said to me, “Our dog is so smart!. He’ll bring in the daily newspapers every single morning.”
I reply, “It’s not that special. Many dogs do the same.”
My wife responded, “But we aren’t subscribed to any newspapers!”
8. The ‘Genius’ Dog
As a butcher is shooing away a dog from his shop, he sees a $10 bill and a note in his mouth, reading: “5 lamb chops, please.” Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop.
He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.
As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the “stop” bell, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog.
The butcher runs up and screams at the guy: “What the hell are you doing? This dog’s a genius!” The owner responds, “Genius, my ass… It’s the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys!”
(via reddit user NeetStreet_)
9. The Big Bulldog
I man walks into an animal hospital with his Bulldog and says “My dog is cross-eyed, can you fix it?”
The vet replies, “Let’s have a look at whats wrong.” The vet picks the dog up while examining his eyes. After thoroughly inspecting the dog for a few minutes, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What?! You’re going to put him down because he’s cross-eyed?”
“No, because he is really, really heavy.”
10. Difference Between a Cat and Dog
A woman lives with both a cat and dog. Everyday she’ll feed them, clean up after them and provide plenty of love and attention.
The dog is very grateful. As the owner approaches the dog and fills his bowl with kibbles, the dog thinks ” Wow, you do all this for me, everyday. You must be god.”
The owner then walks over to the cat and gives her daily food. The cat thinks to herself, ” Wow, you do all this for me, everyday. I must be god.”
Classic Short Dog Jokes
11. Question: What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
Answer: A chilli-dog
12. Question: Where does a dog go after it loses its tail?
Answer: The retail store
13. Question: What is Dracula’s favorite dog breed?
Answer: The Bloodhound
14. Question: What do you call a dog that’s also a magician?
Answer: A labra-cadabra-dor
15. Question: What is a dog’s favorite city to be in?
Answer: New Yorkie
16. Question: What do you call a dog that’s unable to bark?
Answer: A hushpuppy
17. Question: What kind of dog is excellent and keeping time?
Answer: A watchdog
18. Question: What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?
Answer: Any kind of dog. Buildings can’t jump!
19. Question: A dog is watching his favorite YouTube video of a bouncing ball. How does he stop the video?
Answer: He presses the “paws” button.
20. Question: What do dogs eat at the movie theaters?
21. Question: What happens when you buy a dog from a blacksmith?
Answer: As soon as he gets to the home, he’ll make a bolt for the door.
22. Question: What dog will laugh at any joke?
Answer: A Chi-ha-ha
23. Question: What happened to dog that had her puppies on the sidewalk?
Answer: She got ticketed for littering.
24. Question: What did the Dalmatian say as it started scratching it’s neck?
Answer: Ahhh yeaaa, that’s the SPOT!
25. Question: Why do dogs like sandpaper?
Answer: Because they’re ruff.
26. Question: Why did the snowman name his dog “frost?”
Answer: Because “frost” bites
27. Question: Why are German shepherds similar to trees?
Answer: They both have a big bark.
28. Question: What do you call a sweating dog?
Answer: A hot dog
29. Question: What do you do when your dog chews up your dictionary?
Answer: You take the words right out of its mouth
30. Question: What kind of instruments do dogs love?
Answer: The trombone
More dog jokes:
Funny Dog Memes
Memes and dogs go together like peanut butter and jelly. You know that expression, a picture is worth a thousand words? With a little help from the internet, dog memes help you sort through all those words.
31. This dog finally did what all dogs aspire to do. Now what else to do this life?
32. This is what all dog owners fear when leaving their dog with grandma. Did someone say unlimited treats?
34. Lab testing required for all delicious food
35. What would you do?
36. Why hooman? Why?
37. I’m also not allowed to play with mom’s shoes *Wink wink*
38. Land dog, meet water dog.
39. Doggo: am i doing it right?
40. Interview over. When can you start?
Jokes by Dog Breed
All dogs are great, but theres a reason why some dog breeds are more ‘meme-able’ than others. Whether they’re just more humorous or funny-looking, there are just those certain breeds that are popular with memes and jokes.
What’s probably the most funny-looking dog breed? With short legs and a large butt, corgis may be have taken the cake for the title.
41. Just leave the poor corgi alone!
42. Question: What happens when you connect a corgi to a battery?
Answer: You get a short-circuit.
43. Question: What is the biggest problem with corgi jokes?
Answer: All corgi jokes end up being too short.
44. But, but…it’s peanut butter!
45. Jurassic Bark introduces: the Corgi-saurus Rex!
46. Question: What’s another name for an overweight corgi?
Answer: Low fat
47. Typical Behavior Corgi Owners know all too well.
A corgi walks into a bar. Bartender peers over the counter. “Got any treats?” asks the corgi.
“Nope, and we don’t serve dogs here. Go away.” says the bartender.
Corgi returns after a few minutes. “You got any treats?”
“No. No dogs allowed in here. Please leave now.” the annoyed bartender replied.
Corgi leaves, but returns yet again.
Losing all patience, the bartender sternly exclaims, “I told you already, no dogs allowed in here. If I see your furry little snout in here again, I’m gonna nail your tail to the floor.”
And of course the (tail-less) corgi immediately replies, “Got any treats?”
48. The Corgi-way of life #sploot
49. Question: A corgi is taking out a sausage dog to dog prom, what does he get her?
Answer: A Cor-sage.
50. The three different shades of bread (and corgi)
51. Houston, we have liftoff….
52. Typical Corgi Behavior #alwayshungry
53. Question: How does a corgi unlock a door?
Answer: Using a Corg-key.
54. All corgis think alike.
55. Question: Why couldn’t the corgi lend his friend money?
Answer: Because he was Pembroke.
56. Is this a corgi or a loaf?
Hilarious Husky Jokes
Huskies are often known as the dog breed of a thousand expressions, which make them perfect for dog jokes and memes.
57. Question: What do you call a black eskimo dog?
Answer: A dusky husky.
58. Don’t ever mess with evil husky. Or else…
59. This is actually the husky every husky owner wishes they had.
60. Having a conversation with my friend…
Me: What dog did you get?
Me: (In a low voice) what dog did you get?
61. Every husky owner has a “special” dog. 🙂
62. This is quite frankly #huskylogic
63. The boy and his sled dog
A little boy pulls out his sled, attached to a single overweight dog. An older boy spots the little boy struggling to get the dog to run.
“Isn’t your dog a little fat to be pulling your sled?” he asks.
The little boy replies “my dog isn’t fat, he’s just a little husky.”
64. What do huskies and cats have in common?
65. Someone call me if they figure out how to contain a husky.
66. The husky that forgot how to dog.
Shiba Inu (Doge Memes)
The undisputed king of dog memes is the infamous Shiba Inu, aka the DOGE.
67. Holy Crap, it’s Batdog!
68. Question: A shiba inu is shopping for a new laptop. What’s his favorite computer brand?
69. The Doge Dream: To be a Shia Pet
70. Doge logic on dieting
71. Poor doge. Stay in bed forever.
72. Much unhappy doge
Hilarious Dog Puns
A pun is a form of a joke that emphasizes a play on words. We exploit different meanings of a specific word or similar-sounding words for hilarious puns. When it comes to dogs, puns are everywhere. Here are 27 hilarious dog puns that all dog owners and lovers will find funny.
73. As the men started to approach the Dalmatian, the dog frantically jumped behind a bush to avoid being spotted.
74. I can’t believe the cat won the dog show, it was truly a CAT-astrophe.
75. By having your loyal companion dog by your side, anything is pawsible.
76. He literally rings a bell
77. Greyhound dogs never end up catching the rabbit. Every dog has a bad hare day.
78. The real reason why old dogs can’t learn new tricks is because they end up eating all their homework from obedience school.
79. My teacher once told me that the smartest dog breed can be found at the Border of Colliefornia.
80. Always keep your dogs indoor during severe winter storms to prevent any pupsicles.
81. I went to a Shih Tzu and only found one dog. Now where can i find a good zoo?
82. The golden retriever told the curious poodle, “you won’t find what you’re looking for, you’re barking up the wrong tree.”
83. The Dachshund always napped under a tree providing some shade because he never wanted to be mistaken for a hot dog.
84. The dog groomer told his dentist, “there’s nothing wrong with my canines – I clean them every single day.”
85. It’s the Year of the Dog. I hope it won’t be a ruff year.
86. I threw a ball into the Grand Canyon and my dog retrieved it days later. I know this sounds a bit far-fetched, but it’s true!
87. Did you know that feeding grapes to your dog can kill them? Oh, you did? I’m just raisin’ awareness.
88. I’m getting annoyed of my dog. Just the other day he was barking all night with barely any paws in between.
89. My dog always goes out to play and comes back with excessive itching. I have to say it really ticks me off.
90. Did you know that the medical term for owning too many dogs is called an Rover-dose?
91. All I want is justice for my paw.
92. After it was raining cats and dogs last night, i nearly stepped in a poodle on my way out.
93. For a long time, my baseball coach wanted to recruit my dog to the team. I guess it was because my dog always got walked.
94. What happens when you cross a bunny and a dog? You end up getting a rabid dog.
95. When your dog is bugging you to take him out for a walk, it can really be a dog-matic situation.
96. My dogs are glued to the TV every time there’s a Hairy Pawter marathon airing.
97. I always use collie flour whenever i bake dog biscuits for my Border.
98. My dog wants to get into the construction business. He’s an excellent roofer.
99. My dog wants to eat nothing but woofles for breakfast.
100. Did you hear about the Avengers’ new superhero dog? I think it was a labra-thor.
More dog puns:
- Top 101 Most Hilarious Dog Puns Pawsitive to Make You Laugh
- 11 Dog Puns that are Ruff on the Ears
- Pawsitively Pawesome Cat and Dog Puns
These are our picks for the top 100 dog jokes (including puns and memes) on the internet. We can’t possible have caught everything. So if you think you have a joke that can crack this list, drop a message in the comment section below! We’d love to hear your dog joke!
We promise to keep updating this list. Bookmark this page for future laughs.
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